At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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