Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
