Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
