I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
