What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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