a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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