you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize