me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
