just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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