there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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