maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
