I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
