I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
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Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
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Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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