somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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