the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
