You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
