The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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