Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
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Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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