i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
