phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
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I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
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Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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