Kareoke will never be a sober sport
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
