Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize