I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
