Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
