i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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