i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
