My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
