I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
