can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
