I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
