That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
