Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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