omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
