Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The power of my boobs compel you
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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