It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
