the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
