May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
