Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
