he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
