JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
