Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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