Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize