Your dad touched me again.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
