Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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