if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
