the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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