I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
