"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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