Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
