tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
