when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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