At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
