Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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