he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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