Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My vagina is officially offended.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
