I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
