marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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