This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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