You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
