Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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