pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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