My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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