ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
