Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
