I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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