i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
