I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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