sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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