I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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