I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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