What did we do last night that was yellow?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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