i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I had to cum in my sink.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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