dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
