So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
only you would photoshop your dick
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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