last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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